Year to forget? Remember?

Well, it's been a year since I last Blogged. In that time my husband finished building our dream caravan in July, but he also lost his five year long battle with Prostate Cancer in January this year. He was able to teach us all many lessons over that period, and the most important was to never give up, always take responsibility for your health, and to die with humour and dignity.

Despite him struggling with Cancer, he managed to finish this beautiful van after 2.5 years of stop/start progress. There were weeks when he was just too sick or despondent to work, or things just did not coincide with other trades needed during the building process. He finished it on 3rd July 2009 and we registered it 8th July after many frustrations with red tape - it being a custom built van and home built - it didn't fit in any of the boxes!!

In August we took it for a shake down run during his birthday weekend to Fingal Beach on the Tweed, and although it towed like a dream, it needed different tyres, and side walls onto the awning to give us some weather protection.

During August we made ready for the Gympie Muster Music Festival, and had 10 great days away with a group of friends, catching some great shows and soaking up the atmosphere of a huge music festival held in the middle of a forest.

After that, we only had one more trip away and that was to Emerald end Sep/Oct for our grand-daughters 18th birthday.

I can't really talk much about the time that followed leading up to the end - it is still too painful, but one day I will.

Something a beautiful young friend wrote to me after me writing to her about my feelings and how sometimes I felt as though I was out of control and needed to get A GRIP:

"You turned a page in the book which is your life. In was a very unpleasant one and the memory of it will linger forevermore. Nobody can feel the same as you did while you were "living" that chapter with your best friend in the universe, so they cannot make you feel what you are not ready for. I don't think you need to get a grip, I think you need to let yourself go and shed the pain which is still so big. Not forever, not for "gone", just for manageable. Start a new chapter but forevermore remember the love which helped you write the first one in your book"

PERSEVERANCE

After a few years or so of confusion, lack of enthusiasm or joy of life, fear of the unknown like I've never experienced before in my 60 years, I started to read a daily bible commentary. It involves just a few minutes a day, time set aside to allow for age old wisdom to help navigate a course through this dreadful minefield of emotions gone crazy. Whatever happened to the calm, confident me? Well, for a start, terminal illness affecting the love of my life! The diagnosis of Cancer is a living hell not only for the patient but for their people close by.

My daily readings come from UCB Australia’s "The Word for Today". Very easy to read and yet challenging

I have found that while reading the bible readings recommended and then the commentary was helpful, it became much more so when I took pen to paper and wrote about my reactions to those readings and thoughts. Very powerful. The action of physically writing words with a pencil (not a pen) onto paper clarified my feelings and thoughts, much more than when using the computer.

It was as if God, Yahweh, The Lord, whomever you know Him as, was able to break through my consciousness and reach my thoughts. I am usually far too impatient to spend the time to just read, pray and listen to hear what He has to tell me. Through writing I actually slow down my mind. You know, mind chatter is one of the most frustrating, sometimes debilitating and useless experiences. Your mind jumps from one thought to another in a millisecond - before you've really had time to explore the thought fully, and if it occurs at night – say good bye to restful sleep!

So this year one of the early bible readings highlighted "perseverance".

Perseverance means to me:
1. Succeeding because you’re determined to, it is said that achievers ask God for direction and stand firm on the response He gives them; they go forward and refuse to quit.
2. Recognising that life is not just one long race, but many short races in succession.
3. Knowing that each task, each day has its own challenges and new events to contend with.
So what does this mean to a person who has had to learn patience, has had to learn to rest and await the wisdom. It means I now have a direction, a purpose, a road map, a “how to”. By fully exploring the aspects of the word perseverance and learning about others who have been down this path before me has given me peace of mind. I know with a sure heart that whatever happens in life (and you only get one shot at it) if you are prepared to persevere you cannot help but learn more about yourself and the world around you. You can gain a much better understanding of other people and how to interact with them. Here endeth the lesson!